Maybe you shouldn't.....
Yeah, exactly.
Do you know when you KNOW you shouldn't do something, because there is no way the result will be any good? Do you know when you are told, not only be people around you, but also by one of the most reasonable voices inside your head (oh, come on, we all hear voices, at some point or another. you soul, or conscience, i don't know what) that this cannot and will not end well? And despite of all this common sense around you and in you, you go and do it
anyway? Yeah, exactly.
What for? For the butterflies, for the chance, for pure self inflicted torture? Oh well, doesn't really matter what for. Because the truth is, we all jump off cliffs at some given point. And sometimes you hit the ground and break every bone. And sometimes, it's just... not that bad after all.
Germany
Let's just use the insomnia - or the burden of our minds, are some say =) - in our advantage, and upload some pictures of the last looovely trip: Cologne - Koblenz. It was waaay too short and way too busy, but it was all worth it. Worked too much for my taste, but met people I loved to meet, spent some little time with people who I love to spend time with, and who have been absent and missed for a while.
(I promise I will visit next time, or at least we will arrange to meet somewhere halfway. It is ridiculous being this close to some of you and not seeing you at all! hopefully the next trip will be soon, and a bit longer for tourism-time).
beijos, queridos(quick photo tour: cologne's cathedral, koblenz and the German corner, leo being spontaneous and quick view of düsseldorf)
Hope and Shame
If you are in Brazil, you know what this is about. In case you are not and still care enough to read: this lovely man on the left is the president of the Senate, who was being accused, among other things, of using money from a lobbyist to pay for the child support of his illegitimate child (and the mother of that child made this public, and broke all hell loose in the political world. And then, what did she do? Pose for Playboy magazine, of course).There is evidence corroborating this arrangement between them, and also evidence of 3 or 4 other wrongdoings of his. He refused to resign from his position, overseeing the entire process being built against him, and still in command of the Senators who judged him today. He cried and said he was being mistreated, and made up the most absurd stories to show that he had the money to pay her (he was suddenly a cow breeder, selling meat to inexistent people at an exorbitant price, with checks and receipts that had been made up in the wrong date - "I just got the date wrong while filling it in! It doesn't mean it is a fraud!!"). And well, there is a lot more, but let's just say it doesn't really get better. Today he was judged by his peers - his subordinates, in fact - on whether he would lose his mandate or remain as president of the Senate. And, against my tiny string of hope, he was absolved. He is still the president of the Senate, of the institution that represents the people of this country (although the vote was secret, so we can't really know if the Senator who represents us voted for or against him, in another lovely detail of the case). 
And it is moments like these that make me ashamed of living in this country. Not just that the people who make our laws are hitting themselves in the hallway of the Senate. But nothing works, no one cares, no one bothers to even appear to be honest or to be doing the right thing. They don't even pretend anymore. The "Brazilian way" of getting things done will drown us all.
Sorry for the long, "complainy" and political post. but I'm just... "so sick, so sick of it all". Maybe I should just let go of that tiny string of hope that always follows me around.....
Para os que podem, leiam o artigo do Hélio Schwartsman na Folha online, muito mais eloqüente do que eu:
http://www1.folha.uol.com.br/folha/pensata/helioschwartsman/ult510u327912.shtml
Pure, simple gossip
And well... after a few months of not posting, a lot has happened in my favourite part of the world: Amy said no, no no, but still got pushed into rehab (after this lovely scene with her husband, which also involved knives, heroin and a hooker, according to her), Lindsay Lohan is again in rehab, Brangelina hasn't yet adopted another child (and Jennifer Aniston is still single), Nicole Richie is pregnant and Paris Hilton has started her new post-prison life debuting a haircut (but not a grip, as we all knew). And then there is the talk of the day in the gossip world: Britney. I will forget the past headlines (child abuse, drunk & naked in the pool - with photographers around, always -, weird, weeeird clothes, more pets and children and so much more) because I can't really keep up anymore. However, you can't escape her last stunt: the VMA's.
You know, I will just forget that the song is appalling and that she is a bit fat (I would probably still prefer her body over mine, but then again, i would never be on a stage wearing that with that body - or whatever body, but anyway), and that the wig was, well, bad. Too blond and wig-like. Let's just focus on the performance: what the hell was that? Is she stoned, is she in a bad mood? What was she doing??? Not singing, not dancing, not moving until the dancers tell her to, not lip-synching, not looking at the cameras... and a lovely job from the cameramen as well, trying to distract us from her performance and showing the artists in the audience absolutely mesmerized by Brit's comeback- in the worst possible way. So, she is back. Let's just wait and see what she does next.
Quem é vivo....
Hey, I'm back. So, shall we start with the comments??
The First Time
Can you imagine what it must be like to see or hear for the first time? How absurd, and clean, and pure it must seem? Going all your life without knowing it, without even knowing how it is, and suddenly, it's just there for you. And you can be just like everybody else - in that sense - although it will probably always be different for you anyway. The colors, the different tones in music. Seeing for the first time, whatever it is that you see, must be beautiful. The first movie, the first dog on the street, the first time looking in the mirror. And hearing a song, hearing someone's voice, after you've spent 10 years hearing silence or interference. It must be like 10 thousand epiphanies at once. I had never imagined it, until I saw it. And it was amazing.
A Hora da Estrela
Sometime this week, I wrote something about how bad things are here in Brazil - politically speaking - and how I just wished I could leave, or that all the politicians would. Because of internet problems, I couldn't post it. And although all that is still true, I think you don't have to hear me complaining about national politics here. So, this post will be happier - ok, no, not happier, but at least more useful. It will be about Clarice Lispector.
There is an exihbit about her life and work at a museum in Sao Paulo (and 
if you live here, you should go). The whole exihbit is based on shadows and light, and on things that are not so visible, not obvious to the eye. In one room, you have 4 walls covered with drawers, 2 thousand in total. Some of them open, and give you little insights on her life, on her work. But that is all you get from Clarice Lispector, true to who she was in life. Clarice was, to everyone that knew her, a mistery. She was unhappy, or so she seemed to be. She carried the weight of the world in her back, and that is visible in her books. "The sadness in the book is so real, so clear, that I can only say that I am sorry that you have to feel this much. What we feel while reading your book, the uncontrolable sadness it provokes, must be five times more intense for you. And for that, I am sorry that you have to suffer this much". 
"Escrever é tantas vezes lembrar-se do que nunca existiu" ("to write is to remember over and over again something that never existed") says one of her quotes in the first room. Another quote of hers, one of the most famous, says "I am such a mistery I don't even inderstand". And that is what I get from Clarice Lispector. A person I just can't grasp, a loneliness I don't want to imagine, and a truth that we see only through veils and shadows. But what I see is beautiful anyway. However painful or inexplicable.
Tiny little fractures
At this point in life, I can say that I am very, very confused. In love and life, in work and in everything else. One of those existential moments, you know? Who am I, what I am doing, what-is-wrong-with-the-world sort of thing? There is nothing specifically wrong, but it's just tiny little fractures. I don't think there is one thing I know for sure (for sure sure, I mean) right this second. As I normally do in these situations, I ask for advice. From several people, several times. And I get normally the same answers, and one prevails "i don't know honey"; however, I heard something else this time: "just wait and see" - since half of these decisions don't depend on me, that seems clever enough, no? Yeah, right.
The thing is, I just can't seem to let that happen at times (by "at times" I mean always). I just can't wait, almost like a kid waiting for birthday gifts or something of the sort. I wanna see, I wanna do more, I just want to fast-forward and see what happened. Yes, life is not like that, and you just have to see how things flow, I know. I know they are right, but patience is definetely not one of my qualities. So, any helpful words of wisdom? (sorry for the very confessional post, but well, that's what the blog is here for every now and then)
Aaaand... she is back!
Just to update, she is back in prision. From what I read, kicking and screaming and crying. And no, I have nothing else to do, I know. And I apologize for the picture, I couldn't help myself.ps: I just thought about something today. This is a girl that made a life for herself by posing for photographers and basically being obnoxious. The media made her who she is. So it's pretty ironic that that very same media is one of the actors in her imprisonment. The scrutiny when she was released, the photographers, the bloggers.... their strong reaction sent her back to jail. Life is funny that way, no?ok, that's it on Paris. For now, anyway...
Out and about
Now, I know this is petty as hell, but Paris Hilton was in jail, and I was sort of happy about that. I know, it's horrble and mean, and it does show that I am superficial and wory about other people's lives maybe more than I should. But the thing is, she was in jail for something wrong she did. I don't know if her punishment was better or worse because she is famous - for nothing, we might add - but she was being punished. Justice worked, even if just a little bit. And now, as I open the internet, the first news that jump to my eyes is that she was released. Why? Why on earth???? After 2 or 3 days being alone in a cell, and getting almost as much tv time as she did when her sex video came out. Honestly, I don't understand. And the world seems more a bit more ridiculous than it did before.
just an image
How?
Can someone please enlighten me on this: how on earth is this girl considered pretty? And I admire make up artists more and more, and plastic surgeons less and less... look at that girls lips! She is 20 years old, she is not supposed to look like that...
so superficial, I know, I know.
No, no, no
"They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said no, no, no"
No, it´s not Britney. And it is a bit absurd that someone who admitedly has a drug problem can make such success (but yeah, look at Pete Doherty and Kate Moss. Anything before that is still ok). But this girl is just too good. She wants a drink, she doesn´t wanna go to rehab. She would rather stay at home with her boyfriend. So, let her be. Because even though she may sound so so drunk in her CD, it is one of the best things I´ve heard in the last few months.
She sounds drunks, talks about drinking in maybe half of the songs, and cheating - actually cheating and being cheated on - more than you would consider ok for a girl that just got married. But the beats are fantastic, and her drunken voice reels you in. Maybe the first time you hear it it won´t be so clear, but after 2 or 3 runs of the CD, there is no letting go of Amy Winehouse. "Some unholy war", "He can only hold her", "You know I´m no good" and "Back to Black". And rehab, of course.
The fight against mediocrity
So, this is a bit old news, but it I read Sarkozy's "last words", which he sent to a "Le Figaro" the day before the election, on their request. And it is very, very good. Very conservative and right winged, but so clear, so honest - so absurdly eloquent and explicit on his ideas. I don't know much about Sarkozy, but I think his words are worth posting. Even if you may not agree with them.
This is the end of a cycle which started with May 68, when it was proclaimed that there were no more rules, no more standards, no more morals, no more courtesy, that all was worth, that there was no more hierarchy of the values, no more difference between what is good and what is bad, between what is big and what is mediocre, that all was right, that nothing is deserved.
I want to build France which will have broken with this heritage. The idea of 
France for which I fight, it is France where the values of respect, authority, merit are with the honor. This campaign is about a true ideological choice. A choice which goes well beyond the usual choice between the right and the left. In finishing with the heritage of May 68, it is perhaps the only true choice of company which we have to make so much the values, the principles of 68 impregnated the company, the manners of thinking, the behaviors. In fact the choice conditions all the others. Or we will have laxism, or we will have a morals based on our universal values. Or we will have the assistantship, the 35 hours, the devalorization of work, or we will have the reward of the merit, the incentive with the effort, the respect of work and the entrepreneurship. Or we will have the multiplication of the rights, or we will offer to all those which are ready to want something for themselves the means of carrying out their dreams, their ambitions, their projects. Or we will continue to work less and we will be locked up in a company of shortage, or we will work more and we will have more richnesses to divide us, more means to devote to our social protection, with our retirements. It is the moment or never to break with political practices and practices of thought. France cannot wait any more, it is necessary for us to decide to choose between two social models, between two systems of values, two cultures. If you want it, all can become possible, as for the men of the Renaissance, as those of the Lumières or the Thirty Glorious ones. It is enough for us to want it. It is enough for us to include/understand the nature of the choice well and to take our responsabilities vis-a-vis so that we want for ourselves, for our children, for our country. But this rupture with the system of thought, education, the policy that the ideology of 68 generated, it will not be done all alone. I will not do it all alone. It is with you to make it possible. So that this change is achieved, I need you.
Aaahhh....
No point in this post at all. Just... how can you not post something this cute????
Notes from the Underground
Why do we build sand castles just to destroy them later? Why would you build yourself up for something and shoot it down yourself? Why suffer like that?
"Mas é exatamente neste frígido e repugnante semidesepero, nesta semicrença, neste consciente enterrar-se vivo, por aflição, no subsolo, por 40 anos; nesta situação intransponível criada com esforço e, apesar de tudo, um tanto duvidosa, em toda esta peçonha dos desejos insatisfeitos que penetraram no interior do ser; em toda esta febre das vacilacoes, das decisoes tomadas para sempre e dos arrependimentos que tornam a surgir um insta
nte depois, em tudo isto e que consiste o sumo daquele estranho prazer de que falei.". I cannot translate this if my life depended on it. He talks of how the suffering is all caused by you and you alone, and this pain you create for yourself provokes a pleasure that is indescribible. He speaks, later on, of imagination, self pity, loathe and how this pain is only to annoy himself and others, since they know he is not in so much pain, and still complains. There is no good in it, and still he lingers in it. He and all of us, at some time. Why suffer? Because the alternative is boredom, and that is too dull.
No, I am fine. And yes, perhaps I should read a lighter book. But this is, without a doubt, the best thing I ever read in my life. In the back cover, one author describes it as "the voice of blood - how to call it any other name?"
Book is Dostoievski, Notes from the Underground. If you are not depressed, read it. Otherwise... maybe read it anyway. It is too good to miss.
beijos
Spidey
So much stuff going on, and yet the first post will be totally useless. Yes, Spider man 3.
The movie is, 2 and a half hours long, and it has 3 villains and one hero in crisis. His crisis side is quite ridiculous, with hair thrown to the side of his face, eye makeup and weird, weeird dance moves that gave me bad, baaad memories. And still, somehow, all the critics said it was fantastic. Well, not so much.
I liked the 2 previous movies, I really did. Aside from the fact that it is a super hero movie, and if you try and overlook Tobey Maguire's lack of, ahn, acting skills, the 3 movie is still bad. Too long, too much things happening, and you just wanna hit the "to-be-or-not-to-be" out of him, along with the eye make-up. Topher Grace is lovely, and the black suit is almost worth the movie, if paired with the action sequences - which are amazing, I have to say. But the movie..... too much of not enough.
anyway? Yeah, exactly. 
